| STRESSED |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|01:53 pm] |
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STRESSED |
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| Loosing Friends |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|01:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  GRRR | ] |
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Right now I am so Unbelieveably stressed out.
My friend Natasha needs help so bad and So a few people told me I should write a letter to her to tell her what is up. To tell her why I'm angry with her and that she honestly needs some help. So I wrote a very nice letter to her telling her how i feel and then she flipped!! Here is the letter:
Hey tasha,
I know after you read this letter your probably going to be mad at me. I'm not writing this to upset you or to cause drama, I'm writing this to you because I'm worried about you and Ur such a good friend to me and I want the best for you :p
Ok so 1st of all I want to be honest with you.. and I want you to be honest with me. I don't think Its good that you've had sex with Robert, Jake, and Randy. I think it's not good because its not healthy for you. Even though you are using condoms (which is really good) you could still get pregnant or get some weird diseases or somthing. To be honest they r all using you and You deserve way better then that. I feel like you are having sex with them because you feel like you aren't wanted or that you aren't good enough. And Tasha u r good enough!!! And you deserve better treatment then that. And If you keep having sex with guys like that u r going to make a bad name for urself and I dont want that for you and I know you dont either. People are going to think you are a slut.. and I know you dont want that.
And to be completely honest with you I also Am pretty sure u had sex with keith on my birthday. it really pisses me off. U are one of my bestfriends and Keith is my brother and that is just disgusting and it makes me so angry to think that one of my bestfriends would do that! escpecially with me in the house and on my birthday!! Thats just wrong. What makes you think that it would be ok to do somthing like that? Did u ever even consider how i might feel about the situation?? Bcuz truthfully when I was in the bathroom almost puking and knowing that you and keith where in his bedroom doing god knows what it made me sick and so angry!! what I was thinking was I don't need this or a friend that would do that to me and I seriously almost told u to go home. But instead of being mean And making a big deal and alot of drama, I just pushed it into the back of my mind and tried to pretend it never happened.
And i shouldnt have to do do somthing like that and a friend shouldn't make me feel that way.
Bcuz I know if i ever did somthing like that to you, you would freak. Just like how whenever I do anything to you that you don't like you get angry and make a huge deal. But whenever u do stuff to me I just let it slide. And I've been thinking about the past month and all the stuff that happened and how much stuff you did to upset me and how I never said a word.
Like for example the night you claimed you were overdosing on Vitamins. 1st off: If you take to many vitamins it wont effect you badly. The worst is you'll get a stomach ache and might throwup. I know this because I went to a nutritionist for a whole year and She told me this. I was overdosing on vitamins for weeks and didnt even know it. And it didnt effect me. All the vitamins that your body doesn't need you just pee out. And thats that.
You were not just having a stomach ache ( like would b expected) you were making urself limp, shiver, twitch, making ur eyes roll into the back of ur head, acting like you could barely speak, and like you couldn't hear me.
And I know this was all an act just for attention. Because when my mom came out and asked what was wrong you acted completely normal. You werent twitching anymore and you could certaintly speak fine.
Also you REALLY scared me that night.
I didn't know if u were really over dosing or not and to play a trick like that and make me think that you were practically dying on my couch is so mean.
Tasha I was so scared. And I didnt know what to do.
Also saying that you wanted to die and and asking if I had any strong medication for you take. You also even said you would drink poison!! And I was scared to fall asleep cuz I didnt know if you would really act on your words and really try to kill yourself. I felt Like i was babysitting you and That i was responsible for keeping you alive that night. And seriously you shouldn't put me thorugh stuff like that. Cuz that is more stressful then you could imagine and it scared the shit out of me.
And friends shouldnt do that to friends.
That was a very mean trick.. and All for attention?? You can get it other ways then pretending your dying.
Also it made me really angry when you told randy that 'I' wasn't letting you leave the house. When in all reality you were just to scared to go hang out with him alone. I was trying to be a nice friend and make it so you two could get to know each other by urselfs. And instead of taking the offer happily like anyone else would have you blamed, you not being able to hang out, on me!! You made me look like some stuck up bitch who was to good to hang out with them. And that is so false!!! And If they think badly of me just because of that I will be more then agngry. Because you know what?? This is the town That I've moved to and I want to make friends and make a good impression. and If u r going around saying shit about me just to make urself feel better then that is being a horrible friend! Do u feel the need to make me look bad so you'll feel better about yourself?? Thats cartaintly how it seems. And How am I suppose to know you Haven't said stuff like that about me to other ppl? Tasha when u do somthing like that even just once how Do u expect me to trust you??
Also you feel like if anything isnt ur way then it isnt good enough. And when u didn't get ur way you would get so angry. And Tasha not everyone can get there way 24/7. Life isn't fair and thats just it.
I'm also worried cuz you feel like you need to change to make everyone like you. Thinking you need to lose weight and get a new haircut?? Tasha ur r fine the way you are and you shouldnt feel like you need to make over youself so guys will like you!! They should like you for who you are. Not some fake person ur trying to be.
And the whole Robert thing.. Tasha its like he is taking over your life. He is a jerk and treated you like shit and you 2 just dont get a long. end of story. So I don't c why u r so hurt over the matter.. he never treated u well anyways and there are so many other guys out there. why dwell over one idiot?? you know what i mean??
Also your dad slapping you and stuff?? I want you to know Tasha that that IS abuse and he has no right to treat you and ur mom that way. He could get in such big trouble with the law for what he is doing. Its not right whatsoever and it makes me sick to think he is doing that to you!! You shouldnt have to deal with that kind of shit!! THats way to stressful and hurtful you don't need it and I don't want that for you!!
Tasha i worry about you and I want you to be happy. And all this stuff is just bringing you down and making you upset. And ur always seem just so sad. And I think if you saw a counselor or somthing it would really help you work out your problems and make you feel a whole lot better. I may be mad at you for the stuff you did but It doesn't mean that I Don't want whats best for you. ANd It also doesnt mean I dont want to be bestfriends. Because I really really DO want to be bestfriends with you. And I'm telling you all this so you can better youself. not to upset you or make you angry with me. And I really don't want to loose a friend over this. Its just that you really needed to know what was going on and how I feel about this. And tasha I'm not the only one who feels this way. ok? so don't just think this is me being a bitch. This is quite a few people really worried about you and one of them telling you whats up. I really felt like I needed to tell you what was going on. Even if I had to risk you getting mad at me. Because I just want you to be happy and alive!! so I hope you understand where I am coming from, and i hope you actually listened to what I said..
I love youuuu
~Rachel~
And here is how she responded:
w/e u no what i dont need this shit i dont know what made u think that u needed 2 write that but w/e ihave a life now so leave me alone
heres something i wont regret friendship over i dont want u 2 ever call my house again dont leave me messages or comments i dont want 2 hear from u got it im not even kidding rachel i dont want 2 be friends w/soem1 like u and u live accross the fricken country so idc about saying this bye bye now have a good fucking life
So i said:
all I have to say is.. You don't want to be friends with someone that was only trying to help you?? What kind of logic is that? If ur going to b mad at me for trying to help you then why aren't you mad at everyone else who agrees with me?
The reason you are so upset is because you know all of it is true.. and It must scare you or somthing. But instead of being scared of it why don't you face it? and try making yourself healithier and happier ..for you.
If you Don't want me messaging you and stuff then alright I won't. You can come talk to me once you've realized that this was only to help you and that I'm only trying to be a good friend to you.
ttyl Tasha
=]
The she said:
wtf r u talking about i dont need help im happy and fine so dont try and help me if i dont need help
So I said:
But you do.
I'm done messaging now.
ttyl when you understand and are ready.
Then She said:
u r just as bad as me w/things so tell me i need help i quit the smoking ciggs u didnt i think u need the help and u destroyed having me as ur best friend if that even matters
So I said:
are you saying I didnt quit?? Cuz i deffinetely did Natasha. And I love how you always switch it around and try to make me look bad. Why can't you except what I'm trying to tell you? I seriously Don't understand your mind. How is me trying to help, destroying our friendship??? You really have no clue. But you kno what?
I'm done talking now.
Cuz I don't want to say anything I'll regret.
So bye ttyl once you've cooled down.
So She said:
nope i dont want 2 talk 2 u friendship is over u ruined it and i dont need fucking help
And Thats all. I'm sick Of that bitch and putting up with her nonsense bullshit! Honestly she is acting like a bitchy whore and I dont want anything to do with someone that could act that low. She can go fuck all the guys she wants and get pregnant and misereable cuz you know what?? I dont give a fuck anymore. I can't deal with the shit she pulls and how 2 faced she is. Shes a liar and and user and honestly I'm done with her. I should have been smart and stayed not friends with her like i was in 8th grade. But the lying bitch told me she was different and that she had changed.. and of course I believed her!! I regret even starting this friendship back up with her.. I trulely do.
All she's done is hurt me and stress me out. And I don't want to have to deal with the stress of having that friendship with her anymore.
Oh and look at the blog she posted on her myspace for everyone to see:
hmm dont u hate it when u think u have a best friend who will always have ur back no matter what and support u. when they just turn around and tell u ur so wrong and write a shit letter 2 u hmmm i do and i think this person knows who they r and im telling u right now im not going 2 be friends w/a person like that srry.
p.s i dont care
luv tasha
THat is so bullshit. I wasnt turning on her and I WAS supporting her!! I was supporting her and our friendship by telling her she needed help and by being honest with her!! Like friends should be! But no, she always has to turn it around and make me look like shit in front of everyone to make herself look better! All i was trying to do was help!!!!! And shes making me look like a bad person for worrying about my friend and trying to get her better. what a fucking bitch. |
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| Stuff.. |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Living room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
SO... Today has been pretty good.
Casey and I talked 2night and we r finally good again!!
YAY
I'm so excited to see him.. w/e that will be.. lol But i seriously want this job at Consumers SOOOO bad its not even funny!! Cuz once i get money Im saving all of it for a plane ticket so casey can come visit me!!! That will b soooo wondeful!!
I'm worried about One of my friends tho.. cuz she feels like she isn't good enough.. atleast thats what I think she is feeling.
She has had sex with 4 guys in just like a month.
I think she feels like she isnt good enough.
And she's falling for all these guys tricks!! They r like I love you.. your beautiful.. and they BARELY now her!!!
They r just telling her all this shit so she'll put out! and sadly she is falling for it!! and seriously if she isn't careful she is going to end up making a really bad reputation for herself! and I really dont want that for her. She just needs to be more confident and not feel Like she needs a guy to feel good about herself. I'm worried about her. And not only that but she is going back to Maine for school soon and I'm really scared she'd going to go back to her horrible ex b/f. He is verbally abusive to her and she doesnt even realize it! and not only that but her dad is abusive! He slaps her and stuff and she thinks that just bcuz it doesnt leave a mark doesnt mean it isnt abuse! And im like that is bull shit! who the hell told you that?!
I'm also worried about myself right now.. lol
I've been smoking lately.. not a ton.. but some.. and thats not good cuz i seriously dont want to b a smoker!! I dont want to get lung cancer and stuff! EW
And I'm just doing a lot of bad stuff lately.. like drinking and smoking and all the stuff.
It just makes me feel better.. and Idk I miss casey soooo much that it hurts. I want him as my B/f soooo bad!!! But i cant have him cuz hes all the way in Maine! Where i SHOULD b! I dont want to b here in shit hole wyoming. Its hicksville and I'm all about super busyness and the city!!
the complete oppisite and my mom knows that! But still felt the need to force me to come out here! its bullshit.
I just want casey more then anything right now..and I'm going to work so hard to get him. Its my mission and I'm not going to give up.
I also want to make myself look super pretty so once he does come to visit he'll b shocked and think I'm much prettier. I am wayyyy tanner then i used to be and I want to tan more. and mayb work out or somthing.. not that I need to loose weight.. mayb just b healthier or somthing.. idk. I also want to get on birth control or somthing. ya kno? Just in case for when he comes.. idk.. lol.=]
I do love him so much tho. I pray that he knows that and I pray thet i can see him really really soon. |
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